MEDITATE WITH VANDANA (ONGOING PROJECT): Artist Statement
Falling, Photograph, Medium-format filmThe shape of my heart changed—is probably what happened—I was told by the gastroenterologist; yes, the doctor in charge of the gastrointestinal tract, not the cardiologist. I had all the signs of the heartbreak heart, or was it called the broken-heart syndrome?
What I had felt was a sensation of falling when the news of my father’s unexpected death arrived as I awoke that morning and then found myself on the floor, without any memory of removing the bedcovers or stepping off the bed or standing up or the actual fall. And soon after came the feeling that I didn’t belong anywhere, followed by a long period of unending malaise.
The meditation, an act of sitting still on the ground, is an investigation into whether I can grow new roots on any place on the earth and stop the continuing sensation of falling. Can a sense of belonging be generated simply by existing: I stand, I sit, I listen, I work, I embrace the currents of whatever surrounds me; thus, I belong? Is the feeling of rootedness within the self or outside it? Is belonging shaped or imprisoned by memory of what used to be home? Why is that a source of pain?
Treating the corpus as the central conduit for the physical, the emotional, the psychological, the communal, and the practical and the philosophical—a shared contemplation is facilitated to embrace and release personal and collective grief. The body as architecture promotes a healing osmosis in the environment.
The meditation is an attempt to regain balance on the edges, to probe the anatomy of illness caused by physiological manifestations of loss, and to explore routes for healing, singularly and collectively. It invites a dialogue with the viewers and the passersby, subliminally, and directly if they choose—either by joining the meditation at a COVID-safe distance or by sharing their thoughts and experiences.
Non-ideal conditions, such as noisy places, uneven surfaces, or harsh weather conditions are chosen by design—to face and acknowledge the limits of the body and reality—and to remember that the purpose of the meditation is to achieve equilibrium during strife and disharmony.
Technique
During a sit in silence that lasts up to an hour in a new location each time, I begin with pranayama and then progress to the Vipassana Meditation, which I have practiced for many years. Taught in India for centuries, Vipassana is a secular, non-religious method that I learned through the teachings of S.N. Goenka. I also employ hand mudras to invoke the various corporeal and spiritual connections.
Further reading
Physiological correlates of bereavement
Meditations
